Home > Other > Microsoft Kidnapped My Computer…And Beat The Crap Out Of It

Microsoft Kidnapped My Computer…And Beat The Crap Out Of It

Last Friday, Microsoft kidnapped my laptop for 2.5 hours, and the psychological trauma still seems to be affecting poor Lancelot. He is so distraught he now has trouble connecting to the internet and loading pages despite a previous near perfect record on this WiFi network. (Note: Lancelot is my laptop’s name, because he is gray and came to my rescue when my previous laptop had a computer aneurysm and died without warning).

That Friday, after multiple nagging messages, I decided to finally upgrade to Windows 8.1. I assumed this upgrade would take 10 -15 minutes. It didn’t. It took two and a half hours to be exact.

I am very mad at Microsoft’s new CEO, Sayta Nadella for his assumption that I would just have 2.5 hours lying around for him to use for his glacial upgrade. At no point did I get a message before the upgrade saying something like, “Hey, you might want to go grocery shopping and go to the bank, cause this could take a while” or “Going to bed? Okay, now might be a good time to do that Windows 8.1 upgrade, because it will take FOREVER!”

Lancelot is not old or clogged with downloaded Gif files of cats playing the piano. He’s not some poor, fat old guy huffing and puffing around a track trying to get in shape before his heart explodes from French fry grease. In other words, Lancelot should be able to handle an update at normal speeds.

My perception of time has become severely twisted ever since I started working as a full time freelance copywriter and fiction author. Time is money. Literally. If I’m not working, producing content, I am not generating income. I know how much I need to make each month, each week, and each day to meet my basic expenses and to hit my income goals.

You might be able to see how this can quickly and quite thoroughly screw with someone’s psyche. Any last minute jolts or unanticipated interruptions, and all the building blocks in my daily schedule come tumbling down. A two and a half hour blackout for my laptop is a pretty big deal.

It was interesting, watching the screen do it’s little count up as it downloaded something or other, only to then start a whole new download sequence as soon as the former was complete. I got to really watch myself have a minor, silent meltdown.

I wonder if other people do this, study and muse over their reactions while they occur? Sometimes I feel like I am of two minds — the worrying part of me in the moment, and then the observer watching my thoughts frantically tumble around.

I have a coping mechanism for when I take myself too seriously. It’s pretty simple. It’s a game I’ve dubbed, “At least you’re not/you don’t [Fill in the blank]”

For instance, here are a few choice ones that came to mind on Friday:

— At least you’re not a kindergarten teacher

— At least you don’t live in Syria

— At least you’re not an Untouchable living in India

— At least you don’t live in the Game of Thrones Universe

— At least you don’t have Elephant Man syndrome

— At least you’re not struggling to survive during the Zombie Apocalypse

You get the drift. Feel free to use that little trick if it ever suits you.

The Microsoft 8.1 update was probably in the top 300 worst decisions I’ve ever made. Lancelot is severely traumatized as I mentioned earlier. Apparently it’s okay for updates to actually make computers work worse now rather than better. FYI to Microsoft. Messing with my computer’s ability to connect to my WiFi network and not drop pages while loading is kinda important to me.

Categories: Other Tags: , ,
  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.